Student ServicesPreK - 1st
Laurie Snaith, M.Ed.
Office Hours: Monday-Thursday during school hours
Kathy Caprino, Marriage and Family Therapist
Dr. Tim Elmore and Dr. Paul Bohn, Psychiatrists
We Rescue Too Quickly
As a whole, today’s generation of young people have not developed some of the life skills children did thirty years ago because many adults swoop in and take care of problems for them. When we rescue too quickly and overindulge our children with “assistance,” we remove the need for them to navigate hardships and solve their own problems. It’s parenting for the short term and it sorely misses the point of parenting, which is to equip our children to do it without our help. Sooner or later children get used to someone rescuing them. Children begin to think, “If I fail or fall short, an adult will smooth things over and remove any consequences for my misconduct.” In reality, this isn’t remotely close to how the world works and therefore, it disables our children from becoming competent adults.
Fear and lack of understanding play a big role, but it leads to the fact the each generation of parents is usually compensating for something the previous generation did. Many parents today focus on now rather than later. It’s about their child’s happiness today and not their readiness for tomorrow. It’s not always, “embrace the moment,” “enjoy today,” “you deserve it.” As parents, you are teaching your children skills for their future. We sometimes need to delay gratification. We can help our children by allowing them to attempt things that stretch them even if they fail. We can help our children by teaching them to wait and not always giving them immediate gratification. We can teach them that life is about choices and trade-offs; they can’t do everything or get everything that they want.
Ann Landers once stated, “It’s not what you do for your children but what you have taught them to do for themselves that will make them successful human beings.”
We Let Guilt Get In The Way of Leading Well
Your child does not need to love you every minute. Your children will get over the disappointment,but they won't get over the effects of being spoiled. So tell them "no" or "not now, " and let them fright for what they really value and need. As parents, we tend to give them what they want when rewarding our children, especially with multiple children. When one does well in something, we feel it’s unfair to praise and reward that one and not the other. This is unrealistic and misses an opportunity to enforce the point to our children that success is dependent upon our own actions and good deeds. Be careful not to teach them a good grade is rewarded by a trip to the mall. If your relationship is based on material rewards, children will experience neither intrinsic motivation nor unconditional love.
Parents today don’t want to hear anything negative about their children.
When concerns are raised, even concerns voiced out of love, the
kneejerk reaction is often to attack the messenger.
The truth can hurt, but when we listen with an open heart and mind we
stand to benefit. We can intervene early before a situation gets out of
hand. It’s easier to deal with a troubled child than repair a broken adult.
We Don't Let Our Children Experience Risk
We live in a world that warns us of danger at every turn. The “safety first”
preoccupation enforces our fear of losing our children, so we do everything we
can to protect them. It’s our job, after all, but have we insulated them from
healthy risk taking behavior and has it had an adverse effect? Research shows
that if a child doesn’t play outside and is never allowed to experience a skinned
knee, he/she will frequently have phobias as adults. Children need to fall a few
times and fail at things in order to learn that it’s normal. Teens need to break up
with a boyfriend or girlfriend to appreciate the emotional maturity that lasting
relationships require. If parents remove risk from children’s lives, we will likely
see arrogance and low selfesteem in our growing leaders.
Parents are sometimes too quick to come to the rescue. We don’t want our
children to fail, so instead of letting them take risks, we clear the path to make
their lives easier. Taking risks is part of life and only by facing risks can our
children build life coping skills. We think we are helping our children by
removing risks, but we could be stunting their growth? We put short term
payoffs over long term wellbeing.
The question to ponder is, “Could it be that by protecting my child from
disappointments in childhood I am depriving them of happiness as adults?”
Dr. Bohn states, “Prepare your child for the road, not the road for your child.”
It’s hard to see our children fall or fail, but sometimes we have to. Sometimes
we have to ask ourselves whether intervening is in their best interest. There are
a million ways to love your child, but in our quest to make them happy, let us
stay mindful that sometimes it takes shortterm pain to earn long term gain.
We Don’t Practice What We Preach
homes, we can start by only speaking honest words – white lies will surface and
slowly erode character. Watch yourself in the little ethical choices that others
might notice, because your kids will notice too. If you don’t cut corners, for
example, they will know it’s not acceptable for them to either. Show your kids
what it means to give selflessly and joyfully by volunteering for a service project
or with a community group. Leave people and places better than you found
them, and your kids will take note and do the same.
How I handle rejection and adversity how I treat friends and strangers
whether I nag or build up people they notice these things. And the
way I respond gives them permission to act the same.
If I want my children to be wonderful, I need to aim for wonderful too. I need to
be the person I hope they will be.
It’s important for parents to become exceedingly selfaware of their words and
actions when interacting with their children, or with others when their children
are nearby. Care enough to train them, not merely treat them to a good life.
Coach them, more than coddle.
Want to celebrate something? Celebrate the progress they make toward
becoming a person of good character.
This year I will be serving as the school counselor for students in Pre-K, K, and 1st grade. This is my 30th year in education. Prior to coming to St. Aloysius School in 2012, I worked in the Ascension Parish public school system for 25 years. I am a life-long member of St. Aloysius Church. My husband and I have been married 27 years and have three children. The youngest is a junior at St. Joseph’s Academy. It seems like yesterday that she was starting Pre-K here at St. Aloysius!
Please feel free to contact me if you have any concerns about your child. I look forward to meeting you and your children.